Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Not in the mood

I got my first lecture about that class today. I think everybody probably wanted to, but nobody did. My mom tried to talk me into going back. She wanted me to email the professor and ask for my assignment. My stepdad told me to just pray about it. That was a few weeks ago. Today, my dad went off. He called me weak and told me that by not going, I'd validated everything that man said and believed in. I know he is right, but at this point I don't care. I kept trying to tell him that mentally I wasn't ready. I kept trying to tell everyone I wasn't ready, but no one listened to me. Everyone wanted to give me pep talks. I appreciated it. I really did because there were times when I thought I was going to go crazy. All I had to do was pick up the phone and dial a couple numbers and I was ok. OK, but not happy. Anyway, back to my dad. He told me he wasn't mad that I dropped the class, but that I didn't stand up for myself. He's probably right. I should have called that jerk on some of the things he said, but I didn't. I don't know where that side of me came from. He basically told me that by not standing up for myself I have no character. Man, he was going off. I really didn't want to hear it. I told him that had he told me that a few weeks ago, he may have been able to convince me; however, I'd made my decision and was a peace with it. I know I should have stuck it out in the class, but I just didn't have the stregnth to do it. I was mentally weak. I know. I don't like the way things turned out, but I feel so much better. I didn't want to hear that today.
Posted by Nik :: 4/26/2006 :: 3 Comments:

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