Incidents in the life of.....

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Not in the mood

I got my first lecture about that class today. I think everybody probably wanted to, but nobody did. My mom tried to talk me into going back. She wanted me to email the professor and ask for my assignment. My stepdad told me to just pray about it. That was a few weeks ago. Today, my dad went off. He called me weak and told me that by not going, I'd validated everything that man said and believed in. I know he is right, but at this point I don't care. I kept trying to tell him that mentally I wasn't ready. I kept trying to tell everyone I wasn't ready, but no one listened to me. Everyone wanted to give me pep talks. I appreciated it. I really did because there were times when I thought I was going to go crazy. All I had to do was pick up the phone and dial a couple numbers and I was ok. OK, but not happy. Anyway, back to my dad. He told me he wasn't mad that I dropped the class, but that I didn't stand up for myself. He's probably right. I should have called that jerk on some of the things he said, but I didn't. I don't know where that side of me came from. He basically told me that by not standing up for myself I have no character. Man, he was going off. I really didn't want to hear it. I told him that had he told me that a few weeks ago, he may have been able to convince me; however, I'd made my decision and was a peace with it. I know I should have stuck it out in the class, but I just didn't have the stregnth to do it. I was mentally weak. I know. I don't like the way things turned out, but I feel so much better. I didn't want to hear that today.

Posted by Nik :: 4/26/2006 :: 3 Comments:

Monday, April 24, 2006

My life

Wow, such much has gone on in my life in the past few weeks. Let's start with school.
I stopped going to that class that kept leaving me drained day in and day out. I just couldn't take it anymore. Too much came with the class. The reading material didn't interest me. The professor was a total and complete ASS. Man, I couldn't stand that man or sit him for that matter. I got tired of hearing those racist comments. The last time I went, he made a comment about my Alma Mater and I just didn't care to hear it. I just got tired of it. I know it shows me as weak, but I really don't care. I feel so much better. The only regret I have is that I didn't do it earlier. That way I wouldn't have an F.
I went through a deep bout (sp) of depression. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't find happiness in anything. It seemed like everything around me was falling apart. I knew I should have just prayed and trusted in God, but Satan was pulling at me. I stopped praying. I stopped reading the Bible. I kept going to church, but my spirit wasn't there, only my body. I wasn't moved. Then the Sunday before Easter, I cried my last tear. I felt so good. Rev. Pickette was preaching about letting God handle things and it seemed like he was talking directly to me. I kept trying to fight the tears, but they kept coming. So cathartic. That night, I prayed again. I read again. I renewed my faith in God. I don't think I lost it, but I just know I wasn't right. I couldn't get right either. Everything is good now though.
The kids take the state tests next week. This week is supposed to be a spirit week to try to boost morale. I can't recall exactly what we are doing for them, but there will be a step show Friday. I don't know where I will be working next year. I kind of want to go back to the school I was at last year. I took the girls on the dance team to lunch the Friday before Easter. We had a nice little time. They made me late for my hair appointment, but we had fun. I missed those girls. Mrs. Allen and I went to dinner at Cozumel's one day. We had so much fun. I miss her, too. I guess now I need to go somewhere with Shannon and Marcus. I see RWilliams all the time.
I got to see my line sisters this weekend. My neos deservingly won the step show. They were so cute and their steps were awesome. The Deltas gave them a run for their money, but they just couldn't compete. I got to see one of my line sisters that I thought I had just lost it for, but seeing her made me realize how much I love her. I still think she did something shiesty, but she's my ls so I will give her the benefit of the doubt.
Ray Nagin came out of the primaries. He is running against the Lt. Gov, Mitch Landreui. I don't understand why someone would step down as Lt. Gov. to become major. My four thinks its bc he is trying to get his hand in the money that will be used to rebuild NOLA. She's probably right. Nagin oftentimes but his foot in his mouth, but I want him to win the election. I don't have a legit reason. At first it was because of the current condition of NOLA. I don't think they need a change of leadership at such a crucial point in rebuilding, esp. since hurricane season is upon them. However, when it was time to elect a pres., one of the reasons I didn't vote for Bush is because I didn't think he could get us out of the "situation" with Iraq. I was right. I think if Nagin can make changes in NOLA. I just think he needs to let go of the race issues.
The first thing I was going to talk about was my family, but I changed my mind. My hair is still pressed. I purchased an electric straightening comb because as the heat rises, my hair swells. It gets so puffy. I think I will cut it off for my birthday. It will be gone by the end of September for sure because that will give me a way to see how much my hair has grown in a year.
I think that's enough for now. I'm going to keep this thing updated. I just had to come out of my depression.

Posted by Nik :: 4/24/2006 :: 3 Comments:

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Bored

For some reason I haven't felt like typing lately.

Class is still the same. I still don't like that seminar class. I really think that man has it out for me. When I left Monday, I felt like crying. I actually did cry, but I can accept that this is just a growing pain. Before I entered the program, one of my friends said, "You will find out if you are for a real English major at MC." I guess I'm not because I cannot (or will not)handle the pressure that comes along with it. I honestly think it's professor, but sometimes I wonder if it's me. Maybe this isn't the field for me. I don't think it is anyway, but I hate the possibility that I may not be able to do it. It's one thing to change feilds bc that's what you want to do, but another to change because you can't do it. It's not even that I can't do it. I have a A in one class and a C in the other one. I don't know. I'm freaking confused. One thing is certain though, I am not going to MC next semester.

Work is fine. They had me teaching an Algebra I class because something happened with the original teacher and she won't be back this year. I finally went back to my children and they found a permanent sub. Her degree is in Psychology from Jackson State. She may be ok. I don't know how strong her background in math is, but I know that mine is not the best.

Tougaloo had Rites of Passage tonight. It was nice. It was boring as usual, but it was nice none-the-less. I guess it's because of the tradition and the symbolism.

Posted by Nik :: 4/06/2006 :: 1 Comments: