Friday, January 14, 2005

PANTHERETTES

Today was a good day! The students on the dance team gave my co-worker and I a surprise party! I was too shocked and elated. I knew they were up to something because they kept coming by my room. Anyway, the secretary called us both to the office to talk about this program we are having as fund-raiser for our girls. She just did that the girls could get in my room. Anyway, I walked back to my room and told one of hte janitors that the girls were plotting. As I turned the key and opened the door, they all jumped out and yelled surprise. They presented us with cake and plaques. They also had chips and hotdogs. That was sweet. I have to go now.
Posted by Nik :: 1/14/2005 :: 2 Comments:

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Wednesday, January 12, 2005

DAY 4

I apologize for being stoic (for lack of a better word), but it is still not affecting me. I was about to go on and on about this being bogus, but then I remembered that I am impatient. I never quite give things a chance to work. Question: Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start doing today? Since I will be here forever, I may as well stop being impatient. I have nothing but time. I promise it doesnt't seem like there are enough hours in the day. I may as well go with the flow. When I get impatient, I get frustrated and no one seems to care but me. That's too much wasted energy. Rushing only means it will be half-assed anyway. Excuse that one!!
I should start, um.....That's a bit more difficult. I was going to say start being patient, but that's redundant. I should start taking things at face value. Oftentimes, I overevaluate situations and make them worse than they were or were ever intended to be. I need to accept things for what they are and move from there. That way I won't be stuck looking foolish, telling my friends (and myself), "Well, I thought blaze blaze. Just accept them for what they are.

Posted by Nik :: 1/12/2005 :: 1 Comments:

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--------------------------------------- DAY 3

I really have been reading The Purpose Driven Life, I just hadn't had time to post. I write as soon as I finish the section for the day, I just don't always have access to a computer. Anyway, Day 3....
I think Day 3 is probably the best chapter in the book, but I must admit, I have no idea what drives me. The things I do come naturally. I went to school because it was what I was supposed to do. I decided to teach because it was a cheap way to get through Tougaloo. I love my job, but teaching was and is a means to an end.
I want to go to law school somewhere because I feel like I am settling. I wouldn't actually let those words come out of my mouth, but this is my journal, so wth? I am not driven by a need for approval or materialism. I guess I am driven by self-gratification, whatever is best for the circumstance at hand. Well, becoming a lawyer will satisfy me (I hope), but I will help a lot of people in the process. I won't help as many people as I am now nor will the impact I have be as great. I want to practice corporate law and reshuffle the rich people's money. Funny thing is, I have no idea why.
The question is why would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? They would probably say knowledge because my head is always buried somewhere in a book. I doesn't matter what it is, I want to know. I hate not knowing. I wnat to walk into the light. ***Walk in the light, beautiful light. Come where the dewdrops of mercy are bright. Shine all around us by day and by night, Jesus the light of the world.*** With that, I want Jesus to drive my life. I know my steps are ordered and he has complete control; I just wish I would do better. I do things that I know aren't pleasing. I guess I am driven by a need to succeed. Yet, I have no idea what makes me successful.

Posted by Nik :: 1/12/2005 :: 0 Comments:

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Sunday, January 02, 2005

The Purpose Driven Life Day 2

Today I am supposed to remember that I am not an accident. I have never considered myself an accident, just not planned, if there is a difference. This book tells me that I am a part of God's plan, which I already knew subconsciously. I have a purpose; I just don't know what it is. I wish I wasn't so simple minded and could read between the lines, but everything I read, I am sitting here like, "DUH!" Anyway, the question is what areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept? I need to stop or I am having difficulty accepting that I am a bit mean, actually bitchy. I am also apathetic. When people say it, they say it jokingly, but when most people are concerned, I'm usually the one to say, "That's horrible" and mean it. I don't dwell on it though. You take the bad with the good. Bad things happen. I am not stuggling to accept any areas of my background. I can't blame myself for my parents, family, or upbringing. Actually, no one is to blame. I actually come from a good background. We aren't the wealthiest family by far, but we are definitely happy and close-knit. I have no regrets about my past either. I have made mistakes, but most of them I have learned from. My appearance could use some work. I am not ugly, but I have blemishes in my face that I do not like. I started using Proactive a little over 2 weeks ago and have yet to see a difference. I will be patient though. I need to start back walking. I am a perfect size ten and I love it. I am going to walk to get in shape, not lose weight.

It's not fate, luck, or chance.

God gave me this bad skin and made me this size for a reason. What that reason is, I haven't the slightest. I can accept that though, but I also think he put it in my head to excerise and put money in my pocket to buy Proactive for a reason. The posed the question like we are supposed to accept our personalities, backgrounds, and physiques, but I disagree. I honestly wish I cared more, but I don't. I have accepted these blemishes since 8th grade, it's time to do something about them. Anyway, the point is I have a purpose and am not an accident. I just have to figure out that purpose.

Posted by Nik :: 1/02/2005 :: 1 Comments:

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Saturday, January 01, 2005

The Purpose Driven Life Day One

I am reading The Purpose Driven Life with Ranada and KHallmon and a few more bloggers. It is supposed to help me figure out God's purpose for my life. It't not a self-help book, more like self-actualization. The point to remember is that it is not about me, but about God. That's a tough one because I am a bit self centered and it is always about me. I'm not selfish or inconsiderate and I don't mind helping others, as long as I won't get hurt. I don't think I would risk my feelings in order to save someone else's. KHallmon says I have difficulty admitting when I am wrong and she's probably right, but that's beside the point. So pretty much, I have to remember that it is not about me. It's easy to say it's about God because I don't literally see him everyday. I know he is most important and without him, I am nothing. However, I am going to have to get it in my head that it is not about me. I need to actually question what would Jesus do when I find myself in difficult situations, rather than asking what is best for Ashley.

Posted by Nik :: 1/01/2005 :: 0 Comments:

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