Thursday, September 30, 2004

I believe the children are the future.

I just called a bitch by one of my students. One of my friends has been called worse, and I always laugh when she tells me horrible her children are. Well, a few minutes ago, a little boy was standing in the hall telling students to "get your ass in class." I gave him a detention for profanity. He said, "I'm not serving this. You gone have to send me home." I said, "We will deal with that later. Now, all I want you to do is sign this detention slip." He signed it. As he walked off, he said, "I hate that bitch." These children are crazy. I wrote him a referrel and walked him to the office. I guess he can go home now. Yesterday at lunch, a little girl yelled to the other end of the table "Ya'll shut the fu** up." I choked on my cheeseburger. I couldn't believe she said that. Well, it didn't shock me that she said, just that she yelled it loud enough for the entire cafe to hear. A little boy in my 6th period came back to school today. He has been gone for a week. Two teachers were talking and he needed to get by. Rather than walk around, he siad excuse me and expected them to move. They didn't. One teacher told him to go around. He said excuse me again. She stood there. He then threw his shoulder into hers and said, "Oh, excuse me." What was he thinking? He is one of my fav students, but he is definitely a behavioral problem. I really don't have any problems out of him, but I know he is bad. I see some of the things he does to other teachers and he's just a mess. A senior football player in Rankin has been indicted for selling crack and he is still playing football. The coach got on tv and said, "He is young. He made a mistake. This one mistake should not ruin his career." First, he doesn't have a football career. Second, he should have thought about that before he started selling drugs. He was selling crack. Come on now. That's a bit much. I want to say nothing is wrong with him playing football bc he hasn't been convicted, but that's a serious charge. If I was the coach, he wouldn't play for me.
These are just the bad examples. There are several students doing well. We have practice test for the state test. One of my students scored 12.7 and the highest is 12.9. She's very smart and she is awesome in basketball. She plays the point. A little black girl was elected Student Council President and a black boy, VP. That's good, hecka good. They aren't failing tests anymore. Right now, they are researching Lincoln, Tubman, the Underground Railroad, the Civil War, and slavery in America. I wanted them to do the Middle Passage, but I was scared of what they might find. They are excited and working hard. I cannot wait to hear their presentations tomorrow.
I have some money now, so today is definitely a good day, despite the bad moments.

Posted by Nik :: 9/30/2004 :: 1 Comments:

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Friday, September 24, 2004

To Boycott or not to boycott?

That is the question. Atty Gen Hood reopened the Cheney, Goodman, and Schrewner (sp?) case. Remember the three civil rights workers killed when investigating the church fire? Well anyway, the case has been reopened. A man was tried for conspiracy before, but the jury was hung bc one lady said she couldn't convict a preacher. So anyway, a group like the KKK has purchased a booth at the state fair on behalf of Chillings (the man charged). A lot of people are saying they are going to boycott the fair if they don't stop the White Nationalists from setting up a booth. They cannot stop them bc they have a right to free speech. So, do you boycott or not. Personally, I prolly won't go bc it just doesn't excite me anymore. Would I boycott? I don't know. I think I would want to hear what they had to say. I'm sure I wouldn't agree with them, but I would still like to know exactly what it is they are thinking. Gov. Haley Barbour (who is prolly a member of the group undercover) said to just ignore them bc their leader "is nuts." Kenneth Stokes said he is boycotting bc the "state fair is no place to hold a KKK rally." I concur. If I did boycott, I think it would be bc my safety would be in jeopardy if I attended. Their being there has the potential to be really dangerous. One lady said she is taking her nephew to teach him a history lesson. I can see it. Would I do the same for the same reasons? Probably not.

Posted by Nik :: 9/24/2004 :: 1 Comments:

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Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Happy thoughts

Today was a good day. We started reading a story on Harriet Tubman yesterday. It's good and they enjoy it thoroughly. Today, they asked the question why didn't all the slaves revolt against the master. I told them the story of Nat Turner and Denmark Vessey. They were impressed. Then I told them of a theory ( I guess that's what it's called) that Dr. Woods told us about. I told them they could either run away and risk getting caught and beaten, ignore me leaving, or snitch. That got them thinking. Most of them said they would leave, but a large number said they would honestly snitch. Can't be mad at them. I think I would just ignore it and try to keep the peace. I think he was telling us there were three types of slaves: Nat Turner, Uncle Tom, and somebody else. Anyway, I enjoyed discussing it with them. If only they were this enthused about other things.
Last night we had parent-teacher conferences. They went well. I had a lot of parents show up. I was shocked bc my mom never attended those things. (I always did well, though.) They seemed to be genuinely concerned. I thought most would not care. I had this one little white boy's mom to come to me and tell me her child doesn't do anything she tells him and she doesn't know what to do about it. I told her perhaps she should try taking something away from him. She said he enjoys football and he's good. I told her to tell him if he doesn't well in school then he couldn't play football. She said she didn't want to take that away bc he really enjoys it. I was thinking, "DUH. THAT'S THE POINT." Everyone is different though. She said he hits her. I would beat the shit out of my child if he even looked like he wanted to hit me. She said she goes over his homework with him everynight. I don't know what his problem is because when I collect it, he doesn't have anything. Sidebar: they told me the lowest I could give a child is a 60 bc anything less would discourage them from trying. That kinda threw me, but I do see the logic. However, I don't think it's fair that I have to give a child a 60 for writing his name on the paper and another child a 60 trying and not fully comprehending. So when those that try make a 60, I give them a 72. Yet, that's good either bc I am passing them when they haven't mastered the content. So, I have to think about that one.
My dating life....it's going, fast. I am dating three dudes. They are all ok, just in different ways. I still like Shannon, but I am almost at the point where I am just going to accept that it's a friendship. I still don't actually want to call the dude in the writing center my boyfriend, so I will continue dating him as well, no strings attached. The other guy, I don't really know if it is dating. We go out, but it may be more along the lines of friendship. He's pretty cool.
My fam....All is well. My sister called me the other night bc she was in Wal-Mart and she thought about me. She asked me what size and kind I need of a few personal items. That was very thoughtful. My little brother still hates his current living arrangement. My middle brother loves his. My older brother is great, still in love with the white girl. I talked to her the other day. I guess she might be ok. My step-sister is ok. I think I will call her tonight. My nephew just celebrated his first birthday and I missed it. (Serious frown on my face) My neice is so smart. She just learned her days of the week and her shapes. She's the cutest. She's growing up so fast.
Me....I'm good. My faith is stregthening and I have began to focus on me again. Life is good.

Posted by Nik :: 9/22/2004 :: 1 Comments:

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Monday, September 20, 2004

On my mind

1. Pointless:: time wasted
   
2. Sadistic:: ritual
   
3. Bunny:: hop
   
4. Betrayal:: friends
   
5. Oliver:: twist
   
6. Star Wars:: trilogy
   
7. Let it ride:: let that ish go
   
8. Ray of light:: smile across my face
   
9. Tight:: ass
   
10. Gadget:: scissors
    

Side bar....I want these children to go home!!!!

Posted by Nik :: 9/20/2004 :: 2 Comments:

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--------------------------------------- Monday Morning

Good morning peeps! It's Monday morning and I am just here. We have staff development today. I don't feel like going. I must say I had a really good weekend. I had a nice little date Friday night. I went to see the Borne Supremacy. It was not as good as Borne Identity. (It could be because I fell asleep.) I went to the 930 showing. I'm getting to old to catch late movies. The guy was really nice. I was thinking about not going, but I am glad I did. Saturday, I had lunch with one of my friends. She's having probs with her mom, so she wasn't in the best of moods. I figured I would take her to lunch and brighten her spirits. Then we went window shopping. I hate window shopping, but she didn't want to go home. So we walked around Northpark, then went to TJMaxx. Then she spent the night with me. I wish there was something I could do. I told her to move out and come live with me. It's only so much a person can take. She's old enough to make her own decisions. Her mom just doesn't like it. Sunday, we sat around the house all day. I took her back home, then went to visit the guy I went out with Friday. He's cool, but I still don't like him like him. He is good company though. Then Shannon came by. Shannon, Shannon, Shannon.............I could go on and on about Shannon, but I won't. I got a call Thursday from an ex. He called to tell me he didn't think we should talk anymore. WTH? You don't call people to tell them not to call you. That was a little weird. Then he called Sunday and asked me to pray for him. ???? That was weird. I just don't get it. Maybe it's me. My best friend will be here the weekend I get paid. I'm excited. I wish we could take a trip somewhere, but I don't know when. I am thinking about Thanksgiving. I still have a cruise that has to be used by 12/31/04. Maybe we can go on that. If she cannot, I still need to go.
I have to go teach these beautiful minds.

Posted by Nik :: 9/20/2004 :: 1 Comments:

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Friday, September 17, 2004

Ketchup

I have meaning to post all week. My parents arrived Wednesday. That was something! Whew, they are gone now. I enjoyed their company, but it was weird because I was used to having my space. All of us were in my house. I am glad they came though. We didn't know what Ivan was going to do. He did the most damage to AL and FL. I pray those family get some stability, stay focused, and keep faith. As for my hometown, the power was out briefly. A few trees fell over. No major damage was done. Thank the Lord. All of my family is safe and accounted for. God is good.
When my mom came, she brought the car. I was so pissed that she went to Nissan and got it. I was even more pissed that they gave it to her. They did though. I feel a little better now. It's nice. I cannot lie. She said she is going to help me pay for it. That's good and I am grateful. I was so stuck on being independent and doing things on my own that I just couldn't see that she was trying to help. All I saw was another bill that I cannot afford. I have it. It's pretty. I am going to drive it home from school in a few.
I gave out progress reports yesterday. I expected a lot of phone calls today, but I only got one. It was from a little white boy's parents. I gave him a 72. We cannot give grades lower than 60, so I had to put 60 everywhere he had a zero. If I had not have done that, he probably would have had a 60. His test scores are good. He just doesn't do his daily work. Anyway, she called and wanted to give me her life story. I was so not trying to hear that. I politely asked her to just go over his material before the test and help him with his homework. The entire time she was talking, I just nodded. She wouldn't have given me a chance to talk if I wanted to.
We had a test Tuesday. Majority of them flunked. This time it was multiple choice and it was the book test. (Maybe mine were too hard.) I merely ran the copies and distributed them. I reviewed directly from the test. I gave everyone 15 points and I still had 12 Fs. That's rediculous. I cannot do anything about that. They just don't care. If I give you 15 points and you still don't have a 70, ...... Really, they are asking these children to fail. They are on a 5th grade level and I am teaching them from an 8th grade book. They cannot comprehend. They can barely pronounce the words, let alone understand what they mean. However, No Child Left Behind mandates that all children be tested on grade level. I cannot change that. They need to do something about these teachers passing these students who cannot perform the work. As a first year teacher, I have a lot to learn.
I have a date tonight. I really do not want to go. This particular dude is nice, but not my type. He is entirely too country. Last night, we were talking about drinking and he drinks Mad Dog 20/20. WTH? That doesn't make him country, that just makes him not my type. He's sweet. He will have his MBA in Dec. He works at Trustmark. He works in the writing center at an HBCU. He's really nice. He has a darling daughter. Maybe I will grow to like him. Right now, I still like Shannon, even though I don't think it is going to work.
Anyway, it's Friday. Have a good weekend everyone. I will post tomorrow. Notice your blessings.

Posted by Nik :: 9/17/2004 :: 1 Comments:

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Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Declined

I turned down the car. I faxed them a copy of my contract and pay stub, only to call an hour later and tell them I changed my mind. I just don't think it is wise right now. At first I thought God was trying to tell me to have faith, but at the same time I realize that he doesn't want me to be foolish. I cannot afford a new car at the moment. I realize my parents will help me, but it just seems stupid to get a new car right now. I don't know what my next move is. This car situation is really more hectic than I care to let on.

Posted by Nik :: 9/08/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, September 07, 2004

My weekend

I had a pretty good weekend. Friday, I picked up clothes from the cleaners, paid rent, and headed to the coast. When I got there, I went to MP and Gautier's game. It was ok. It was filled with action, but for some reason I got tired of sitting there and I love football. Rita called and asked me did I want to go the club. I originally told her yes, but I changed my mind before she picked me up. (Good thing too bc she said she left after being there 5 minutes.) I just didn't feel like it. Saturday, I got up to go get something to wear to Danielle's wedding and ended up at the car lot. I stayed there too long. I was getting so aggravated. I didn't mind the wait, but I had things to do and you go buy a car when you have time to sit and go through paperwork. So at 2 o'clock, I was in 45 minutes away from the church, hadn't made it to the mall, and had to be at the church at 4 o'clock for the wedding. I called KH and told her to save me a seat. Anyway, I picked out the car. I am still debating on whether or not to get the car. I don't really want it. It's nice, but I don't want it. My mom is going to pay for it, which is another reason I don't want it. I want to buy my own car and pay my own car note, but now is not the time. I have a car. It won't even cost $100 to get it going and I need a tag, so what's the point in getting another one right now. I guess if someone is going to give you a car, you should take it, but I really don't want it. I don't want to seem ungrateful, I am trying to be responsible for self. What if something happens and she can't pay for it. I will have to. I can pay carnote, but I will be broke after paying that, rent, and utilities. It just seems crazy to me. I will have a decision by 3 o'clock.
The wedding was beautiful. It was so nice. It wasn't one of those, "ooh this is so pretty." It was more like, "aww, that was so sweet." She had a good theme and everything fell into place. I enjoyed myself. I enjoyed seeing my classmates/ls as well. I missed them. After the wedding, Ash and I went to Ruby Tuesday. All I had to eat that day was the food at the wedding. I ordered a Ruby Relaxer. It was so good, but my stomache was empty. So,.........
Sunday, my parents and I went to Foley, Al shopping. I got a cute leather coat from Wilson's. I wanted to buy a coach bag but I decided against it. Maybe next go round. I got a shirt from Banana Republic and some shoes from Bass. Then we went to church. Church was good, really good. After church, I sent some money to one of my friends and Rita and I got something to eat and sat at the beach talking. I still felt like I couldn't breathe, so we had to be outside. Ash told me she relaxes at the beach so I tried it. It works. Rita andI had good convo. We just talked. We talked about her baby and dating and why things happen and how God knows exactly how to wake you up and dating. I didn't do much Monday. I had to come back home. My brother and his gf and their baby moved into their other house. One of my cousins is preparing for rush. I am excited for him. My sister is happy, almost in love though she doesn't realize it. Me, I'm just.................ASHLEY NICOLE.

Posted by Nik :: 9/07/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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--------------------------------------- Thank you, Lord

Church Sunday was the absolute best. As soon as I walked into the sanctuary, I felt the presence of the Lord. I sat down, read the scripture and listened to Pastor preach about faith. (Proverbs 3:5,6) As he was preaching, I could feel the Lord moving in my body. I was trying really hard to hold my tears back. By the end of the message, tears were streaming down my face and my head was resting on Rita's shoulders. I just didn't know what to do. He opened the doors of the church and I was trying my best not to go up there, but I had to. When I got up there, I looked at Pastor and told him I needed some oil. He came down and asked me what was wrong. I told him it seemed like my world was crumbling down. That's not really what I felt; I felt like I was being suffocated. It seemed like I was barely breathing. Anyway, he called Mrs. Hawkins up there. He annointed my head and we prayed together. I really prayed and prayed hard. After that, I just stood there and cried on her shoulders. Finally, I found stregnth to go wash my face. When I got in the bathroom, I couldn't stand up. I had to lean on the sink for support. Then even that gave way and all I could do was fall on my knees. For about five minutes (I guess) all I could do was kneel in submission and pray and and cry and cry and pray. Then I was ok. I was still praying, but in my heart, I knew I was going to be ok. I thanked the Lord and got off my knees. I went into the stall to blow my nose and wipe my face. That's when Rita came in. I cried some more. This time, I was just crying. I still kinda felt like I couldn't breathe, but not like previously. We stood in the bathroom, holding each other. We talked briefly. I was trying to explain to her what was wrong, but I couldn't actually put it into words. She understood though because she said, "Nik, all you have to do is get back into the Lord." With that, I squeezed her tight and we walked back into the church and took communion. That made me cry a little bit more, but I was ok. After church people kept asking me what was wrong and I really didn't like it. I guess that was their way of saying they were concerned, but I didn't want to answer that question. I feel that if you see me having a moment in church (and we aren't friends), don't ask me what is wrong. Just tell me you will pray for me or offer some encouraging words. What's wrong shouldn't really be a concern because God will work it out.So anyway, I broke down because I haven't been serving Him like I should. He tried to tell me to meditate and I wouldn't listen. I guess that was the mild version of wake up. So in church Sunday, he yelled. I listened. I am going to meditate every morning. If I don't meditate, I am going to read a scripture. For now, I will continue to read Proversbs 3:5,6. I am truly blessed. I realize this. I also realize that a lot of people never have this experience. I am greatful that I am one of the chosen.

Posted by Nik :: 9/07/2004 :: 4 Comments:

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