Thursday, February 26, 2004

Long Day

I have been on the move all day. I started by day by attending class with Tiffany. It was a lecture class, so I really did not enjoy it. I took notes though because I have a feeling that the information could possibly be useful. Then Prof Campbell took us to lunch. I had a wrap and a banana. The food here is so much better than it is at home. I think it is fresher. People eat healthier, too. From lunch, I went to make my presentation. I was so nervous. What was supposed to be five minutes turned into twenty. They had so many questions. I answered them so well. Tiffany did well, as expected. She is brilliant and so articulate. A planning session followed our presentation. They kept asking me what I thought about different things. When they didn't ask, I told them like the opinoionated person I am. They actually listened, too. Tiffany left immediately following our presentation, so I was the only student there. I thought it was going to be uncomfortable, but it was everything but. Of the entire Brown University Advisory Council for Relations With Tougaloo College, I am the only Tougaloo student. There were three Tougalooians, who are all graduates of Brown Medical School. Two of them were men and the one woman was a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated. The director of the council is also an AKA.
Anyway, after that we went to the Andrew Center for cocktails and dinner. Oh my, I was so shocked. When we walked in someone checked our coats and bags. New experience 1. Then as I walk a little farther, I see a crowd of people. Guess what they are crowded around......the bar. So everyone is getting drinks then mixing and mingling. Alcohol was the third thing I gave up for lent so I ask for water. The lady at the bar acted like she was going to kill me if I didn't get a drink. I held my ground. I got water. New experiences 2 and 3. I turned down free drinks and the bar was actually open, just drink all you want. So anyway, I finally sit down to eat dinner. The salad was horrible. It had some sort of peach sauce on it. Yuck. The bread was good. Then dinner was served. We had salmon, lamb, potatoes, and cooked celery. New experience 4. I had never had lamb. I didn't touch the celery. I don't like it raw,so I doubt that I will like it cooked. Dessert was awesome, chocolate moose. Delicious. Then I talked to all of these Brown Dignataries. It was nice. I met a lot of interesting people, doctors, lawyers, educators, authors, retired persons.
I also met President Ruth Simmons. The woman is dynamic. She's going to speak at commencement. She spoke tonight, too. She's great. I would rather have Oprah speak, but Ruth (she actually told me to call her that!! ha.) is remarkable. I got back to the apartment after nine, just like I do at Tougaloo.
Needless to say, I didn't do anything Olabode asked me to. I did talk to some people about summer programs. They really didn't have anything since I am graduating, but I have a feeling they will find something. I got cards from a lot of prominent people.
Just rambling........Howard Stern got cancelled. Ironically, he didn't do anything this time. Someone called his show and used "the n-word." He hung up on them. I think he did right. They are cancelling him because "people have to be held accountable following the Janet Jackson incident." This is a mess. What is the big deal with her breast being out? Why not the Janet Jackson ? Justin Timberlake incident? It shows how this racist, patriarchial society really operates. If a Ludicris would have exposed Brittney Spears at the Super Bowl, would all the attention be on Brittney or Ludicris. Anyway, Duke is beating Valpo 66-42. The movie about Christ pulled in $20 mill on the first day. Who would have thought it? Rosie ODonnel got married in San Fran's mayor's office. The temperature is 23 degrees. By the way, JT is still hosting Motown. Bush sent more Haitians home. Europe is pissed with us about tax cuts. Kerry is still the front runner. I prefer him over Edwards. They just finished debating. I just cannot support Al Sharpton. This movie about Jesus has upset a lot of religious folks. I need to go see it.
I need to take a bath and go to bed. I have a 6 am flight. Excuse any typos bc I am not about to proof this.
Posted by Nik :: 2/26/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, February 25, 2004

What a start

Today started all wrong. I already had to get up 5 hours earlier than normal to catch the flight, so I was a bit moody. I go to the ATM to get some money out and realize I don't have nearly as much as I thought. Oh well, I suck it up because I have a check coming today. I wait for the plane to board, struggling to stay awake. As soon as I get comfortable, I realize I locked the keys in my car. It will have to stay there until I get back. My mom is going to fed ex the spare. Oh well, it's too early in the morning to worry or get angry. I go to sleep. It seemed like right when I dozed off, the stupid thing started to jerk. We experienced turbulance all the way to Atlanta. So much for going back to sleep. Get to Atlanta and wait for my connecting. The wait was about an hour so that wasn't bad. Get on the plane. They have booked 3 people for one seat. One of the dudes was on his back to RI from Mardi Gras. I think he may have still had a little alcohol in him because he kept making smart comments and laughing at his own jokes. They finally fix that problem and depart. There are three babies and a little girl on the plane. As soon as the pilot says we have reached an altitude of 10,000 miles, my ears pop. No problem, I was expecting it. I guess the babies' ears popped to because they started crying. It seemed like the more people tried to soothe them, the more they cried. It's still too early so I am not mad, just sleepy. Finally, when the stewardess comes around and gives them some soda they shut up. I go to sleep. Gosh, I needed that. I didn't wake up until we landed in Providence. Tiff has left me a voice message saying she will be late. Still not angry, just tired. As I travel down the escalator to baggage something tells me to look up. There's Tiffany a few stairs behind me, just cheezing. I was so glad to see her. That meant I didn't have to wait. We get to baggage and my luggage is the first one out. Things are looking better already. I'm still not in the mood. We take Mr. Holmes to the Marriot and we go get something to eat. That made me feel a whole lot better. RI has the best pizza in the world. She loosens up and so do I. There we are sitting in the middle of the pizza parlor laughing like two old friends. I wish Sherrice was here, but Tiff is cool, too. Then I walk back to her apartment and she goes to class. I would have went with her, but it's her thesis class and doesn't sound interesting. I am going to join her for her morning class tomorrow. I feel so much better. On the plane, I kept thinking "I hope this flight is not indicative of the rest of my trip." It's not as cold as I thought. I have on my scully and gloves though. I hope I enjoy this trip. I am going to try to get my departing flight pushed back because it is scheduled to leave at 6am. I am not ready.

Posted by Nik :: 2/25/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Lucky Me

I checked on my scores for the EWPE. They had my scores, thank God. I went to talk to Dr. McMurtry about my excuse. All I have to do is bring back the program. Dr. Olabode gave me some applications to participate in summer programs at Brown. He gave me one to be a TA and they will pay $4,000. I hope I get that. If not, I hope I get the one to be a Summer RA. I really don't want to take any classes. I should though because they are free and it is an Ivy League. I am just tired of school at the moment. We will see. I just received an e-mail from Derrick about presenting my senior paper at Brown on May 7,8. I have to present a 500 word abstract. I am going to get with Mrs. Freeman soon so that we can send that off ASAP. K said she could get us to Cali for the summer, something about that smile of hers that always works!! ;)
These things just land in my lap. I am truly blessed. I have a job interview when I get back, but I don't think I want that job. I think I am just going to go to Crystal Springs. I think I want to live in Byram. It seems so peaceful and it's not far from Jackson. I have so many opportunities. Enough on that.
I received an e-mail from Sherrice. She is still enjoying England. I am happy for her. Hallmon got us some community service. I am glad about that, even though I won't be here to participate. Dr. Olabode told me I won't have to make up an exam for midterm since I am going to Brown. I'm happy about that. I made up my mind what I am giving up for Lent even though I am not Catholic. I'm giving up three things: sodas, profanity, and one more thing that I don't want to mention at the moment.
Six of my line sisters are in this lab! We are covering Othello in Shakespeare. I liked that one. I leave for Providence at 750 am. I am excited, even though I haven't packed. I know what I am taking. I have to remember to pack underclothes in my carry-on bag in case something like what happened last time happens again. I still haven't told Nick that I am going. Oh well. I am in such a good mood. I am having a good day.

Posted by Nik :: 2/24/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, February 23, 2004

On my mind

I am so glad Ashley came to see me. I had so much fun with her. I introduced her to my friends. I think she liked Roz the most. I kept her entertained. I love that girl. She needed a break too. I enjoyed her company.
The Deltas had a patio show today. It was really cute. They did well. They came out in limos. HA. What a coinkie-dink. ;) The show was good though. That is the best I have ever seen them do. Diona looked so cute. When we have our show in April, we are going to have to bring it. I really don't expect anything less than the best though. Chaska said today she wanted to do Sister's Keeper. I think that's the name of it. That is a really cute step.
I turned in my rough draft of my senior paper. As I looked through it, I made a lot of changes. I know MF is going to tear it up. It's ok though because for the most part, it is a good paper. I think the best I have ever written. I wish we had to defend ours like the ed dept does. KH would be pleased if she read my paper because I used poems that show that Cullen has identity. I want her to proof it anyway.
I think Dr. Woods is going to give us a writing assigment. I hope not because I am not in the mood. I guess that's crazy since I'm typing all this stuff. We didn't finish the movie, so maybe we will do that. I doubt it though. I hope Dr. Glenn finished grading our papers. I have to go see Dr. McMurtry to make sure my trip to Brown will be excused. I have to go talk to the lady in the testing center to see if she has a copy of my EWPE scores. I got a letter saying I need to enroll in a class. I hope these people haven't lost my scores.
I have a lot to do, so I need to get on it.

Posted by Nik :: 2/23/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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--------------------------------------- What A Weekend

Oh my!!! I had a great weekend. Ashley arrived Friday evening. We went to Old Navy and came back to the room to get dressed. Roz rode with us to the party. Now that I think about it, I don't know how she got back. Interesting. I had so much fun. They had free Long Island Ice Tea. Did I mention it was FREE? After the party, we went to Krystal's. Saturday, they had a barbecue. FREE food. Then we went to the basketball game and Ruby Tuesday. It was a guy sitting at the bar. Ashley had her camera with her and he asked her to take a pic of him. She did. After that he bought her drinks, KH's drinks, and my drinks. It's nice sitting at the bar. Everytime I sit there, someone buys my drinks. Oh yeah, the guy was one of my classmate's uncles. What a small world. Then Mr. Interesting and one of his frats came over. We just laughed and talked for a while. Sunday Ashley and I went to church. I needed that. Then we went to see some of her relatives in Byram. Two of her cousins gave me their number, but I won't call either. One of them smelled like marijuana, so that was a turn off. Then the other one kept saying 'conversate with you' and 'conversate a li'l bit.' Definitely a no-no. When we got back, Ashley got on the road back to Tuskegee and I headed to my chapter meeting. It was good. We discussed a lot of important issues and made plans to get the ball rolling on some activities. After the meeting I called Ashley to make sure she was ok. She was still on the road. I talked to her for a while to make sure she was awake. Then I went to sleep. She called me when she made it. I went back to sleep. I had a very long weekend. She can't say I bored her. I think she had fun. I hope she did. That wraps it up.

Posted by Nik :: 2/23/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Thursday, February 19, 2004

ANOTHER GOOD THING

My friend Ashley is coming to see me this weekend. I am so happy. I have been here almost four years and she has yet to come see me. She couldn't have picked a better time. I think she needs to get away from Tuskegee and everything that it represents for a while, even if it is just a weekend. Sometimes we just need to stop and breathe. I'm excited. I miss that girl. Anyway, that's about it. I digress.

Posted by Nik :: 2/19/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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--------------------------------------- KH & JT

I just got back from Cozumel's with K & J. Before we went, we went to the mall. I bought two sweaters that I know I am going to need at Brown. I don't really think they are that cute, but they will do and anyway they were on clearance for $3.77. It doesn't get any better than that. J took something back. K just came along for the ride. I had fun at Cozumel's. K went to talk to someone and I didn't think she wanted to talk to them, but as we were leaving she made some comment about loving one of those girls. I guess I was wrong. We didn't talk about anything really important, but I really enjoyed the conversation. We were making plans for the summer that I really hope come through. I think the three of us would have a ball if we went somewhere. We really just want to get out of Mississippi. I think we should go to Rhode Island to do the summer RA program J did. It's all expenses paid and you get paid. Sounds good to me. I would go to California. They want to go to Africa; I don't know about that one. I would go with them though, but to just plan a trip, I don't see it. Anyway, I am sure we will have fun where ever we go. It's like we just enjoy simple nothings. We never do like for real serious stuff, just girl time. 37 and 55 are great.

Posted by Nik :: 2/19/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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--------------------------------------- Unconscious Mutterings

1. Tattoo:: a frog on the small of my back
   
2. Sunburn :: nose peeling
   
3. Jaguar:: i really want one
   
4. Trousers:: pants?
   
5. University :: of Iowa
   
6. Express:: yourself
   
7. Suicide:: psychotic
   
8. Slide:: slip and slide
   
9. Rain:: down on me, let your love just shower me like rain, rain on meeeeeeee (LOL)
   
10. Bulletin board:: i'll get my students to do them
    

Ok for the explanations: That tatoo is in my head, hasn't made it to my body. Not only do I burn,I peel, mainly on my face. If I had to have a luxery, luxery car, it would be a Jag. I would really like a Rolls Royce, but I will never be able to afford it. Trousers, pants, same difference. I have no idea why Uni of Iowa. I think someone must want to go there. Express your thoughts and feelings, no matter who doesn't like it. People who committ suicide have for real issues. Slip and Slides were the greatest. I think that was a SWV track. I cannot remember, but I liked it. I am not creative so I am going to let my students do the bullentin board when I start teaching. I think they will like it.
I guess I am in a good mood today because none of this is negative.

Posted by Nik :: 2/19/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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--------------------------------------- Ashley's ABCs

A - Age: 21
B - Best Friend(s): Ashley, Veronica, and Keysha (not necc in that order)
C - Choice of Meat: turkey
D - Dream Date: dinner at Copeland's when I don't have to worry if he is thinking about sex
E - Exciting Adventure: going to Vegas with Veronica
F - Favorite Food: mac and cheese
G - Greatest Accomplishment: i don't really have one
H - Happiest Day of Your Life: high school graduation
I - Interests: people, langston hughes
J - Joke: i rarely get them
K - Kool-Aid:grape and lemonade mixed
L - Love: my family and friends
M - Most Valued possession: my intellect
N - Name: Ashley
O - Outfit You Love: black skirt and green shirt from limited
P - Pizza Toppings: everything on a supreme, minus the olives
Q - Question Asked To You the Most: why would someone as smart as you want to teach? (thinking: i really don't want anyone dumb teaching the children)
R - Radio Station: 95.5, but i'm not really into music
S - Sport: football
T - Television Show: The Cosby Show without a doubt
U - Umbrella in the rain?: yes
V - Video: Movie or Music Video?movie
W - Winter: people look so cute in the winter
X - X-rays recently? [nope]
Y - Year Born: 1982
Z - Zodiac Sign: gemini

Posted by Nik :: 2/19/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Bag Lady

I went to the forum I guess a month ago. It made me rethink a lot of issues. So I changed a few of the things I didn't like. A few minutes ago, someone says "That Bag Lady forum really fucked you up." WTH? I haven't really noticed a difference. I think I need to work on a lot of things, but I don't think I've really changed. Writing in this blog made me realize I am pessimistic and self-centered. I don't really like being a pessimist, but that is just another bag I carry. I don't know if being self-centered bothers me, mainly because I am not sure.
Anyway, if I have changed, I doubt that it is for the worse. Maybe I am a bit more cynical, but how many times did have to get hurt to start believing that not everyone is good? I think I'm doing better because I am no longer looking at things through rose colored glasses. I am a bit on the simpleminded side, but that's cool. I have always been simple, doesn't bother me. I have been called selfish too. I wish I wouldn't give off that vibe. I would change it if I could, but I just don't see selfishness in my mirror. I see flaws, but that's not one of them.
I like when Erykah says Pack Light too Hope. That's what I am trying to do. I am ridding myself of one bag at a time. That comment threw me.

Posted by Nik :: 2/18/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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--------------------------------------- Shattered

I went to see Without Sanctuary today. The pictures weren't that bad. Looking at them, most of them, didn't do anything to me. I got upset when I read the descriptions. I just don't understand why people would do those things. I don't understand the lynching, but I can get past that. Why would you castrate someone who is already dead? Why would you cut off the ears of mentally disabled person before you lynch them? Why would you set someone on fire if they are already hanging from a tree? I just don't get. Mrs. F and K said I should feel some sort of sympathy for the people who did it because they really are ignorant. I just think they are evil and all I feel for them is contempt. That's not the word; it was almost hatred. It wasn't though because I don't hate white people. I hate the things some of them did. The actions of a few have tainted my feelings of the whole. I know it's wrong, but that's how I feel. It's sad.
I think the worst was the newspaper articles broadcasting the lynchings. One of the captions read "Five or Six Negroes (maybe Niggers, can't remember) to be Hung Today." That's sad. KH said it reminded her of a circus because they were all just gathered around, enjoying the show, laughing and smiling. I really think white people are evil. I know all white people are not like that and all black people are not good, but still. I'm just a little angry. I'll get over it.
I'm ready to go to Providence. I am so excited. I talked with one of my ls and she thinks we should spend the summer there. I'm down. I think I will like it. I'm considering living in the north, so maybe this will help me reach a decision. I just don't think I will take too well to being called a nigger. My ls said she got called a nigger three times while there. I have only been called a nigger once to my face. I am sure they have said it a million times behind my back. I still think I want to go. I want to travel as much as I can while I am still young, and I can get paid for going.
I had ice cream today!!!! The simple things in life bring so much pleasure. The Alphas had a patio show today too. It was so cute; they had me laughing. They did something in slow motion that I do not understand the relevance of, but it was too funny. They are ok with me.
KC went somewhere with KH and me today and she seemed so distant. I wonder what was on her mind. I know she is feeling depressed about a particular young man, but she was awfully quiet. That is so not like her. She's a quiet person, but not around us. Something was really bothering her. I hope she feels better. She's the reason I had icecream today. She wanted some so bad. Maybe it makes her feel better, too. :)

Posted by Nik :: 2/18/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, February 17, 2004

What am I supposed to do?

My friend is really struggling. I don't know what to do. If she was just upset about the situation it would be easier to just tell her what she is supposed to do and know that eventually she will come to her senses. It's a little worse than that. I don't think she will come around. I am tempted to call her mother because it is serious, but I don't really know if that is the best option. I need to tell somebody. I called her back last night to talk to her and she was "talking to the enemy." Those were her words. I don't want her to talk to him. I didn't say anything though because I know people do what they want to, regardless of what people say or what they believe is right. I just told her to call me when he left. She didn't call back. I called her this morning. Anyone else would have thought she was fine, but I know better. I just told her that I love her and I hoped she had a good day in class. She is supposed to call me back tonight. I don't know what to do. I feel like I have to do something though; I just don't know what. I'm going to pray for her.

Posted by Nik :: 2/17/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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--------------------------------------- Unconscious Mutterings

1. Dragon:: jacket
   
2. Molecule:: biology
   
3. Tire:: blowout
   
4. Mighty:: God
   
5. Octane:: 8
   
6. Troll:: the hair grows
   
7. Atmosphere:: pressure
   
8. Guide:: me
   
9. Leash:: get rid of it
   
10. Dustmite:: dust buster
    

I am going to start explaining these things so that when I look back at them,I will know exactly where my head and mood were. My brother calls my green jacket with the pink lining my dragon jacket. It's really cute. Molecules just sounds scientific. Tires seem to always blowout. Mighty trigures Almighty God, which sadly trigures Bruce Almighty. Oct+anything makes me think eight. When I was little I used to cut my trolls' hair even and I swear it used to be uneven in about two weeks or so. I thought their hair was growing. Atmospheric pressure...its the physics talking. Leash's go on dogs, but all I can think of is it restraining someone, holding them back, stopping them from being free, being themselves. Dust mite, dust buster. Rid yourself of the problem.

Posted by Nik :: 2/17/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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--------------------------------------- WHOA

One of my friends is having the same problem I am having. The only difference is, I am handling it way better than she is. So just imagine what she is doing. Anyway, as I talked to her about it and told her what I think she should do, I realized that I am not doing it myself. I need to stop and explore Ashley jsut as she needs to explore herself. It seems like I go from one loser to the next. WTH? On the outside, they just have all of these great attributes, then you get to know them and they are total jerks. Yet we stay. Someone told me it is because we are women. That's not it. I've seen women leave, just not a lot of them. Anyway, we agreed to go an entire week without dealing with them. I know a week doesn't seem like long, but it's a start. Weeks turn into months and months into years. Before you know, you don't even think about them. It's like God gave me stregnth to walk away from the biggest asshole I have ever met in my life and I just walked into a situation that is the same but different, different people, same destination. It sucks. I am going to do better. RR said she would pray for me. I need it. After I get passed this, I am going to leave men alone, not forever, but long enough for me to explore me. I'm going to do everything I told her to do. It's going to be hard, but that's cool. I can handle. I'm handling this situation with Asshole. It getrs hard sometimes, but I am handling it. I'm doing good too.

Posted by Nik :: 2/17/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, February 16, 2004

It's been so long

Whoa, I haven't written in this thing in forever. Let me do a minicap on the events of the past few days:
Wednesday: Afram History was cancelled. I sat in on Afram Lit. We discussed Claude McKay. I like him. We covered "If We Must Die" and Cullen's "Yet Do I Marvel." I haven't figured out which l like more. I think it is "Yet Do I Marvel." Everyone basically agreed on If We Must Die. We see the social protest, his desire to fight back, and his quest to die with dignity. In "Yet Do I Marvel" we had a few problems. Miranda said he was angry. I didn't see it, neither did Carlos. All we saw was his questions. It seemed to us like he was saying he understands Sisyphus's and Tantalus's plight. They did something to upset the gods and will suffer forever for it. Yet, all he did was wake up black and was punished and will suffer forever for it. Then on top of that, he is expected to sing. Sing can be interpreted as write poetry or go through life being happy. Miranda said he was angry. I missed it.
Thursday: I almost fell asleep in Afram Politics. In Shakespear, we did the trial. Taki is a mess. We lost. We were going to loose anyway because the jury was against us. Taki just made it worse. It was fun though. I enjoyed it. My closing arguement was good, but we lost. I knew we would. We had fun doing it. We had the Pretty Parlor. KH said it was our worst event. She was right. It was a tadbit ghetto. Other than that, they chose the wrong person to speak. The girl couldn't deliver a message to save her life. I had fun, it just wasn't our best.
Friday: I went to Afram History. Dr. W. let another student teach the class. He did an excellent job. His deliverance was graphic, but we are all grown and it made us think about things that we wouldn't have ordinarily thought about. It was good. I can see him teaching, but he needs to teach at a black school because the white people will get rid of him. He is a little too problack. He wouldn't make it teaching white students. I really don't think he would make it working for a white principal. I skipped Senior Seminar. I just didn't want to go. I went to the mall. We were in there for about 4 hours. My feet were killing me. I enjoyed shopping with Keysha and B though. B is so funny. I love her. Then we went to the party. I was nearly naked. I had fun. It was nice. I was a bit worried about the turnout at the beginning. It was too many parties. The Qs, the Alphas, the AKAs, and one of the deejays from the radio had a party. I think we did good for our first party. I think everyone enjoyed it. It was really nice.
Saturday: Saturday was just another day. I spent time with Mr. Interesting, but nothing spectacular. I finished a book. I talked to KC for about 5 hours. She really opened up. I did too. We just talked. We always just talk, but this time it was more in depth. I like her. She's pretty cool. She's been through a lot, but she's cool peeps.
Sunday: I didn't go to church. I went to breakfast at IHOP. They were super busy. I washed. I had 5 loads. It was a mess. I went to see GP probate. It was good. I thought they were a little ghetto, but they do go to JState. The steps were good. The chants were the best. You can tell they hadn't practiced because too many of them did not the steps nor the struts. If they would have had more time, it could have been better.
That about sums it up. I am about to go to the caf. Then I have to come back to the lab and work on this paper that is due at 3. It's horrible. I have no idea what I am going to write about. LJ has my book. I really need to do well though because I made a C on the first one. I am going to have to get on it. I plan on having my senior paper finished by next Monday. Mrs. Freeman is going to kill me.

Posted by Nik :: 2/16/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Happy Again

I'm in a good mood again. I just left Wendy's. I got a frosty for the first time ever in my life. It's ok. I really wanted Sonic but they were closed. This is good though. Anyway, I went to the Kappa Pageant. It was nice. The decorations were so "pretty." All of the girls did exceedingly well. Funny thing is, the girl I thought did the worst won. How ironic. I think it was because of who was judging but that is neither here nor there.
Class was good today. Mrs. Freeman straight up told everyone I am a racist. I'm not exactly a racist. I just love my race. I'm problack, but that doesn't make me antiwhite. Anyway, we were talking about McKay's The White House and we ended up having a discussion on Condeleeza Rice, who I happen to like. One person called her a sellout. Everyone disagreed. Well I really don't think everyone disagreed, I think they just didn't comment.
Stacey called tonight. I wonder what he wants. I haven't talked to him since over Christmas break. I'll call him back later.
I don't know where strut practice is held. I really wanted to go too. Oh well.
I haven't been watching the news lately. Everytime I turn on Fox News or MSNBC they are talking about the primaries. I think I have a good idea of what's going on with that. I have no idea what's going on with Scott Peterson or Kobe Bryant. Martha Stewart has some good lawyers. I have no idea what is going on in Jackson. I used to read the paper at least three times a week last semester. (It was for a class!) Now I am out of touch. Maybe Ranada will send me something from the AJC. *hint hint*
That's about it. I'm about to go to my room and watch the news.
I love all of ya'll!!!!

Posted by Nik :: 2/11/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, February 10, 2004

COMPLAINING

I am devoting this entire entry to complaining. If you are not into listening, log off. OK, they decided we needed a lemon squeeze. I have no idea what about. Ain't no telling either. So it was supposed to be after the forum. The forum was at 7:08. It was guaranteed to be over at 830. So we will just say the lemon squeeze was scheduled for 830. We wait 30 minutes for people to show up. Then when 900 gets here, she decides to wait for a certain select 3 people. So she is just sitting there waisting people's precious time. I say, well I don't think people are coming because if they cared they would have been here by now. So then she says well they told me they are coming. It is now 930 and they have yet to arrive. I don't know why waiting on those select "treal" people is worth wasting the "non-elite" people's time. UGGGGGGGGGGGH.
Last night, I went to practice. I like to strut, but I have no rhythm and I need the practice. So, we are just sitting there, wasting time again. So I ask someone to do a certain strut and then someone "treal" comes behind me and asks them to do another one. Needless to say, they do the other. What is up with that? Then another "treal" but "nasty" someone tells them to do the one I initially proposed, and they jump right into it. GROSS. WTH? Then they change one of '99s struts and it looks a mess. So I tell them it doesn't look right and they need to leave it alone. No one hears me. Then the leader of "treal" says the same thing. Ears perk up. So much for changing it. It goes back to its original form.
What is it with us? Why do we go above and beyond to recognize certain people, who don't even fit the description. I'm not saying you have to look a certain way or dress a certain way to be an AKA, but you must carry yourself a certain way. These two young ladies do not strike me as AKAs. One of them I am honestly ashamed to called my ls. I know I am not supposed to talk about my ls in public places, but this is my blog and whoever doesn't like it can build a bridge. OH WELL. I guess I am just tired of the whole separation thing. I knew it would be like that because we were like that before we even went over, but my thing is if you just have to separate yourself and label yourself as something other than the G.R.E.E.N. M.I.L.E. at least have some standards of separation. It has to be more than just being "nasty." What makes you so "treal" especially if you are an add-on?
I just don't get it. OK I just called someone. They are still waiting on "treal" to show up. I am taking my ass to bed. Crazy ass girls.

Posted by Nik :: 2/10/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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--------------------------------------- OH MY

I just walked out of that forum. It was soo boring. I was going crazy. I was playing the game on my phone. Then I stopped because I realized someone may have been watching me, even though I was on the back row. Then I started pulling my hair. I knew it was time to go then. I know pulling my hair sounds crazy, but I do it whenever I am focusing really hard or am super bored. In this case it was the latter. I thought I was going to go to sleep. Three frats came, but all of them left. I am surprised none of the llittle girls left. That was a nerve wrecker. Anyway, when I finish this I am going back over there. We are having a lemon squeeze. I have no idea what it is in reference to. I hope they don't get in here and start talking crazy.
I went to the TAMS nights session. I enjoyed it. I keyed info into the computer, but that got boring. So I talked Paul into letting me call people. I'm biased. I only called people from Moss Point and Gautier. Had there been people from Pascagoula or Ocean Springs, I would have called them too. Oh yeah, I called a little girl from Lucedale. I'm going to call some more people later. I mainly called those because I think we miss too much culture living on the coast, with the exception of Moss Point. Anyway, I enjoyed it.
Today I went with Keysha and Tiffini to party city. I set myself up. Oh my, gotta go. Be back.
OK I had to run over to JC, excuse me, the Blackmon Building, because I left my bag in there. I could have just gotten it in the morning, but I would rather have it with me. I can be so absent minded.
Anyway, I set myself up not to enjoy the trip. I thought it would just be Keysha and Taki, but Tiffini came. Actually she drove. I wanted to go, but I didn't really want to be bothered with her. It's ok though. They got some of the decorations for the party. I'm not exactly sure what else they need. I hope this thing works out. There are so many other things going on. It's our first party. It's $7. JState's Alphas are having a party, which splits the crowd. That prob won't matter though because we are girls and guys go to see girls. I hope it works out. I just want to have a crowd.
I haven't talked to Mr. Interesting today. I didn't really talk to him last night. When he called I told him I would call him back. Then when I called back, he told me he would call me back. I went to sleep. When I woke up, I didn't have a missed call from him. So that means he didn't call back. I wonder if I will talk to him tonight. INTERESTING
I guess I need to go back over here to see what this lemon squeeze is about. Then we are having practice. My day is never complete.

Posted by Nik :: 2/10/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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--------------------------------------- RANDOM THOUGHTS

I got a reality check last night. I was too shocked. I don't know why though. I guess I had created this "statue" in my mind and wanted so desperately to hold on to it. The funny thing is, I knew it was going to happen. It was nothing out of the ordinary. Actually, it's one of those things that are supposed to happen. Problem is, I don't know what to do. It changes nothing, but it changes everything. I don't really know how to explain it, and I don't want to think about it.
In Afram Politics I got an answer to "Why Africans?" My classmates and I came up with an array of answers: They were the most civilized and advanced. They were resilient. They adjust to any given situation. Whites felt threatened by their presence. There were a few others, but I cannot think of them now. Anyway, none of them were exactly satisfying. They were all good reasons, but to me that's not enough. I really just do not understand why Europeans were so..... domineering, for lack of a better term.
We are doing this trial to The Merchant of Venice today. I don't really feel like it, but I will, mainly because I don't want to disappoint Dr. Gilmer.
The cardiovascular forum is tonight. I have a night session with TAMS from 5-8, but I'm going to have leave at 7 to make it to the forum. I'm not on the Pretty Parlor committee, but I am excited about that. The party is coming up. The fliers just went up this morning and people are complaining about the price already. They are high, but Mikeal's is expensive. Anyway, those who want to come will come. It's just that simple.
I promise to do at least five pages of my senior paper tonight. That shouldn't be hard. Actually, it's not. I just have to find the will to do it.
I'm still going strong with the "turn it off theory." My "ex-boyfriend bag" is empty.

Posted by Nik :: 2/10/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, February 09, 2004

UNCONSCIOUS MUTTERINGS

1. Identity:: Heritage
   
2. Reveal:: secret
   
3. Live:: life
   
4. Attitude:: AKAtude
   
5. Night:: mare
   
6. Nevada:: Vegas after graduation
   
7. Weekend:: getaway
   
8. Write:: a letter
   
9. Friend:: keysha
   
10. Seventeen:: magazine
    

Posted by Nik :: 2/09/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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--------------------------------------- RAMBLING

I am really tired. I feel like I am not getting enough rest, but I went to sleep last night sometime between 8:30 and 9. I got a full twelve hours of sleep and I felt fine when I got up, but now I am feeling sleepy. WEIRD
I went to African American History today. It was actually boring. We rarely have class, but when we do it is always good. Today was different. I was a little upset too because I stayed in there but in African American Lit, they were discussing Cullen's Heritage. That is one of my favorite poems.
This morning, my uncle had to take the bar or whatever it is called to get his liscense to cut hair. I was his model. I was sooo scared. I didn't know what he was going to do to my hair. He conditioned it and blow dried. That wasn't bad. Then the man came and told him to cut it. I could have sh**ted bricks. I wanted to just get up and leave. He clipped my ends, literally the ends. I don't think he cut anything because there wasn't any hair (that I could see) on the floor. I thought he was going to try to cut the top of my hair where my layers are. I was going to leave for real then. He didn't, just the end. I remember when Falisa did that and I was pissed. Then the next time she cut my hair she cut my layers and messed my hair up for real. I had to get it recut when I got home. I haven't been back since. I said I was going Saturday, but I just let one of my friends roll it. Anyway, so he blowdried my hair. Clipped the ends. Then the man told him to style it. HA, yeah right. He didn't have anything to style it with. He had to borrow some curling irons from another dude. Then he didn't even know how to hold them, so I had to coach him through the curling process. He just curled the ends. My hair looks a hot mess. I'm glad I bought this skull cap.
We went to help Gamma Rho yesterday. We helped them set up the reception hall. Since it was so many of us, we didn't have to do much. Then a few people got lazy and decided they came to sit and look pretty. Then when they were asked to do what they came to do, they got an attitude. Ain't that something. Then we went to Ruby Tuesday. We had a bad experience. Everytime I go to Ruby Tuesday with a group of more than four, we have a bad experience. When it's just me and a couple friends, everything is fine. JT was pissed, with reason. I thought she was going to cuss the manager out. We survived it though. We just decided not to go there again. I had just left Saturday night and had a good experience. Maybe it was because of where I was sitting.

Posted by Nik :: 2/09/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Saturday, February 07, 2004

Just wondering

Today has been very relaxed. I slept late, ate breakfast, got my hair done, and went to Burger King. I am just bidding time before I leave to go to the Kappa party.
They found the little girl in Florida. I wonder if she knew the man. From the looks of it, she did. I know he pulled her arm, but she really didn't put up a fight. I wonder what her mother was thinking allowing her to walk home from a slumber party. She was 11. I wonder why the parents of the child she spent the night with didn't take her home. I wonder why she felt comfortable walking by herself. I wonder why he kidnapped her. I wonder why he killed her. That part really bothers me. His face was all over the news, seems to me like that would have made him return her home safely. You just never know. I pray for the stregnth of her family.
I just saw this thing on CNN where the doctors were trying to separate what was supposed to be twins. However, the only part of the second child that formed was part of the brain and some facial features. They were trying to disconnect the head, but it was unsuccessful and the two-headed baby died. A two-headed baby. I know it's mean, but all I can think of two-headed monster. If they did manage to separate the head, what were they going to do with it. It's a brain. I don't know. You can't just throw it away. I don't know. I'm tripping. I digress.

Posted by Nik :: 2/07/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Friday, February 06, 2004

I just need to vent

What is with people that make them read me as weak? Is it written across my forehead? Why is it that everyone is always worried about Ashley and her feelings? Shit, just tell me. Odds are I am going to be upset, but I will get over it. Why is it that they always think I cannot handle things. If you think I can't take it, just let me know. Don't bs me. I would much rather hear it from a friend than someone else. Everyone always seems to know what I can and cannot do. Hell, how do you know if you never tried? Have a little faith some of the time.
Ok enough about that. I do not like Missy's music. Well I can't really say that because I have never actually listened to it. Ironically, I love her videos. I just wonder who choreographs them and comes up with those weird ideas. Sometimes I just want to watch the video and listen to the beat without having to hear her talk/rap/sing/whatever. Isn't that odd?
I bought a new outfit today from The Limited. I got a black skirt and a green shirt, not the one with the stones around the neck Keysh, another one. It's actually cute. I was trying to find some boots, no luck. I am going to Metro tomorrow. I really needed that refund check. I was too broke. I said I was going to go shopping, but I won't. I'll just be happy with that one outfit. Anyway, I paid full price for it. That doesn't happen often, especially not in Limited. I usually just wait until it goes on sale. Not this time.
It's Friday night. I have no plans. There is nothing to do. All of my friends are preoccupied with one thing or another. I think Mr. Interesting is going to the Delta party. (It's just a coincidence that they are having a party tonight) I'm not. I think I am going to tell him not to go. Well, I know I am. If he goes anyway, I am going to read What Looks Like Crazy... The first few pages were good. I think I am going to like it. That's all on my mind for now. I must retire back to my room.

Posted by Nik :: 2/06/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Thursday, February 05, 2004

Another Good Day

I am in a good mood again today. I do not know what is going on. I talked to the people at Brown again. I leave on the 25th. They said they only have enough money in the budget for one of us, me or Nick. So I am going; I don't know what to tell him. I may be a little selfish, but I really want to go. Anyway, they e-mailed me. So it must be me they want. I don't know. I digress because I think I may be trying to convince myself that I am doing the right thing.
On to something else. I just left the Alpha Kappaccino. It was great as usual. CE was a bit x-rated, but good none the less. Most of the poems were good. I wasn't feeling two of them, but the others were good, really good. The setting was nice, the mood relaxed. We had cappaccino, tea, cocoa, and donuts. We actually had cookies but we forgot they were there, so we didn't serve them. Nobody noticed, not even my ls. I had never drank any of that stuff because I have a thing against warm liquids, but I tried some cappaccinol. I liked it. I had to put a lot of whip cream in it, but I liked it.
Then I went to the Zeta's auction. They had a nice turnout, but it wasn't that great.
GREAT NEWS: I got my refund check. I had $400 more than I was expecting. That is the best. Now I can pay back everyone I owe. I can give AKA that other $110. I am so happy. I really needed it. MF sent my money for regionals in to nationals for dues, so all this time I have been worried about being active and I was active the whole time. Now she is going to have to pay a late fee for regionals. No one knew I was inactive (not technically, but I thought I was) anyway because I still served on my committees and attended all of the functions. I love AKA. I thank God for Fall 99 too because they convinced me without even trying that Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. is "supreme."
That's enough because I am rambling and anyway Mr. Interesting is on the phone.

Posted by Nik :: 2/05/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Unconscious Mutterings
Roadtrip:: vegas
Honey:: moon, dew
Flanders:de
Vampire:Buffy
Justice:league
Marine: corp
Protractor: Math
Rubber:: bandman
Jerry::ward

I really like those things. They are funny, kinda cute, kinda weird.
Anyway, I just got out of class. My African American History professor cancelled class because only 2 people read out of a class of 30something. It was kind of depressing because we are too old not to do our reading assignments, but I was not one of those two so I shall digress. I was glad anyway because Afram History is offered at the same time as Afram Lit and in Lit they are discussing Harlem Renassaince poets. I was so glad to leave. I damn near ran to the other class. We spent about 30, 40 minutes discussing The Negro Speaks of Rivers, one of my favs. Everyone had differing opinions, but they were all the same. Everyone's answers was kind of like a continuation of the person before them. Only a couple times I disagreed and that is a rarity in itself. In my other class we talked about Dust Tracks on the Road by Zora Neale Hurston. I don't know what I think about that yet. I haven't made up my mind. Maybe it is because I am only on the 5th chapter.
The Black History Trivia thing is tonight. I really don't want to go, but I am going anyway. Maybe I will learn something.
At dinner, the girl I was sitting with saw one of my ls carrying alot of bags and asked what we were doing tonight. I told her to hold on and I went to help my LS. When I came back, I told her. Then the other girl asked who was doing the poetry night. I said we are. They looked at each other. One girl said "At least ya'll doing something." The other girl said "The ****** don't do anything but party." (I am sure they do things, just not as much as we do.) I didn't say anything because I didn't want them to think I was being a hater. Then the other girl said, Ya'll have something every week." I was proud. We are always doing something. With as many of us as there are, there is no reason not to. The goal is to be supreme in service, and we are definitely trying. KH told me to dress up for something on Saturday. I have no idea what it is. All I know is that I am supposed to look nice wearing pink or green. I'll be there, no matter what it is.
**This girl keeps looking at my screen. I want her to leave, now.**
I am just in a good mood. LOL I guess it's hard to tell from that last comment, but I am. I need to take a nap before the trivia starts. After that, it is strut practice, which I am dier(sp?) need for. I look a mess. I always want to strut and don't know the steps. Don't worry, I don't jump in the line. I just stand there with my mirror. That gets old though. Then I am going to the intramural game. I wonder if Mr. Interesting is playing. Either way, I am going.

Posted by Nik :: 2/04/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Happy for no reason other than being happy
I am in such a good mood that my friends are getting worried. I don't know why I am sooooooooo happy, I just am. I am still waiting to hear something from the lady at Brown about travel arrangements. I am too excited about that. I talked to Mr. Interesting last night. Actually, I saw him. (Maybe that's why I am happy!) That's not it though, I have been having a great week. He is just so open. When he talks about his nonexistant relationship, family problems, friends, and the things he enjoys I get friend vibes. But when he talks about other things, I get other vibes. I don't really know what to think. I don't want to think either. Sometimes I think too much. I am just going to let the chips fall where they choose, but I am almost certain they are going to fall in my corner. Everything is in my corner these days; this will be too. I just like talking to him. If nothing comes out of it, I at least got stimulating convo and that is hard to come by these days. It's like we just talk. We don't have those awkward moments of silence. We just talk. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am not talking to one of my girls. I'm feeling this dude.

Posted by Nik :: 2/04/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Ignore:: you
   
2. Death:: not ready
   
3. Missy:: my sister
   
4. Ballet:: dancer
   
5. Guest:: list
   
6. Campus:: chefs
   
7. Lonely:: me
   
8. Company:: dont want
   
9. Helicopter:: fly away
   
10. Sterile:: lization
    

Does that mean I am antisocial?

Posted by Nik :: 2/03/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, February 02, 2004

Alpha Kappaccino is going to be the bomb. I just have this feeling. At first I was worried about how many people would participate, but that quickly faded. Then the Zetas decided to have an auction on the same night and two of the people we asked are Zetas. Surprisingly, they said they weren't going to the auction and they would be at the poetry night. WEIRD, huh? Tonight we had a planning meeting. It's going to be great. Anyway, after the meeting a young lady asked if she could talk to me. I was like what's up because we never talk. She said she was talking to one of our classmates and this particular classmate said that we (Generation X) is so far removed from the struggle and we don't appreciate poets like Langston Hughes and Countee Cullen. This comment was bothering her because Hughes is her favorite. I told her we may not appreciate it the way Hughes himself did, but that doesn't mean we don't appreciate it. Yes, poeple who were actually beaten understand the struggle more than we do because they lived through it, but that doesn't mean we don't. I know reading about things doesn't make me fully aware of what it was like to live through it, but it gives me something. Anyway, their poetry is not really about getting sprayed with waterhoses or attacked by dogs. Cullen doesn't even know how to identify and Hughes main thing is be proud to be black. Some of his works are ambiguous as well because he struggles (somewhat with the race issue). A few of his later works touch on Scottsboro and the different events in Alabama. It's not really about a struggle in sense of the Civil Rights Movement, it's more so a day to day struggle on being black. And anyway it is poetry. How is she just gone up and say we don't appreciate the poetry. When I think about poetry, my mind goes straight to Harlem Renassaince. That's the period I like the most. That's the period I relate to best. I don't know why, but it is. Anyway, then we got into religion. I like discussions about religion, as long as I can say what I feel and not hurt anyone's feelings. We talked about graven images, evangalists vs pastors, people catching the holy ghost, speaking in tongues (which I don't understand the purpose, someone help me) and churches that seem more like social organizations. We agreed on some issues, disagreed on others. Either way, I enjoyed the convo.

Posted by Nik :: 2/02/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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Another Rainy Day
It's raining and I do not feel like being bothered. There is nothing particular on my mind, just sitting here. I am about to look up more info on Song Of Solomon.
God is blessing me. He is really moving mountains in my life. A lot of wonderdul things are happening in my life. I talked to young lady at Brown today. I got another phone call from my professor asking me to help her do something else. This lady really likes me. I do not hate that person anymore. Maybe I was just angry. I feel better about the situation. You live and you learn. It's as simple as that. It was truly a growing pain, but the pain is gone. You realize that some people just don't mean you any good. I got an e-card from my best friend. I love her so much. It just came out of the blue and it was so cute. I went to JT's party. It was ok, but it was something to do. It was better than sitting in the room watching the game alone. I probably would have watched a Lifetime movie if I had not went. I read some of Langston Hughes's poetry. I love him. He's my fav. I know these things are simple, but simplicity is good. I'm just glad to be able to do things I enjoy. I am in such a good mood.

Posted by Nik :: 2/02/2004 :: 0 Comments:

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